Day Dreams

A small white board by my computer has the word "DREAM" written on it in big bold letters. Underneath the word, dream, is the phrase "Think big and start small." My eyes have either gazed or glanced at this board daily for the past year.  A few other key phrases have been added surrounding the action words of dream, think and start. When I first wrote the word, dream, a year ago, it was meant to inspire me to open up to the many possibilities present in every moment. Realizing there are limiting circumstances to my life, I wanted to take small steps without compromising the overall dream or desire, so I added the caveat phrase.

Dreamboard

Building my labyrinth, speaks to the inspiration of one dream that has been realized this past year. After clearing the space in the backyard, I visualized the finished stone path, started collecting a few stones and engaged my friends and family to gather stones as well. Several months later it was completed and blessed on the spring equinox. Dreaming is not something I have allowed myself to do much of over the course of my life. Things feel very different now. I am reminded of something I wrote down, "The speed with which any dream may be realized is always a function of how small the miracles have to be in order not to freak out the dreamer." Hmmmm....worth pondering.

Labyrinth from my bedroom window

Going back to school is something I wasn't sure about, but it seems the universe conspired again to let this dream be a reality. So far, I am doing quite well, at least the feedback has been positive. I don't think I have quite let this one sink in yet. I still have finals to get through.

Lauryn and Joni (her favorite Aunt on Dad's side)

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone and this year it was very important for me to be with my nuclear family. Not everyone was able to be together and so it was bittersweet and not quite complete, but a joyful time of connection for those present. For those apart, the remembrance is held in a handful of quietness. The autumn days are coming to a close and it will be time for the winter journey, finishing out this last year and final entries to the blog. This is a dream come true as well.

musings as the days shorten

The penultimate month of 2011 is almost at an end. This is the time of year where I wonder where the time went. Yes, it's also the time of year when I think about family, thankfulness and all of the other holiday season things. But right now, I seem to be thinking about what I set out to do this year. I started 2011 with an influx of energy and ideas. I had projects for my non-work time. Travel plans abounded. I felt good about where I was and what I was doing. As I assess, I think things came out at a 50/50 split.

my windowsill on a Sunday afternoone

I did well on follow through with the travel plans. I went to Vegas to celebrate/reconnect with three amazing friends from college who I rarely ever see anymore since I moved to SF. I went to NYC for the first time and had an amazing time with Martin, my aunt Michelle and uncle David. We spent 5 summer days in Michigan with Martin's family and got some quality time hanging out with his oldest niece. There was the stormy Valentine's night off the pacific coast at Costanoa. And my first camping trip ever. Most recently my Thanksgiving trip with my family to Oklahoma City. So, I did well in that respect.

sticker graffiti on 13th near Valencia

My projects haven't come off so well. This blog was one project, and while it has been successful in some ways, it's hasn't been what I imagined. I finished knitting a hat for my dad. But everything else - building a lamp for Arielle, making a cookbook for my sister, making in inappropriate cross stitch for my brother, writing letters to Resa every month - did not happen. Some got started, but none got finished. Perhaps my eyes were too large for my stomach in this instance. But since all of these projects that were supposed to take up my free time didn't happen, what did I do with that time?

old sign in chinatown, SF

Finally, how do I feel about where I am and what I'm doing? Unsure is the best answer I can give. I don't feel content in my work anymore. I feel restless. I'm dreaming more. I'm reading more. I'm imagining more. I don't have any answers, but rather multitudes of questions. Perhaps as I go through the rituals of closing the year over this next month, I'll begin to feel some resolution and some consensus about this year. Then again, perhaps the process that I'm going through will take a little longer to suss out. We'll have to see.