It's the pits

Continuing with our current koan, I would like to discuss some struggles I've had with beauty practices currently expected of women in our society. Basically what I would like to tackle in this post is hair. Yes, we all have body hair. Some more than others but, once we hit puberty, we've all got it. And most women spend a whole hell of a lot of time getting rid of it.

Armpit hair study #1 - pop art

Personally, I have never really connected to the reasons behind shaving, waxing, plucking, etc. I know that it is considered attractive and appropriate for a woman in our society to have as little noticeable body hair as possible. I know that the same level of hair removal is not expected of men, though some level of grooming is expected.

Armpit hair study #2 - sepia

For me, removing my body hair was always something that I did to fit in. With the sole exception of occasionally shaving my legs, I never did it because it made my body feel better. Here's what I remember of my indoctrination into our culture of hair removal:

• My younger sister asking me if I had thought about shaving my legs. Before this I had been blissfully ignorant of any hair on my body beyond what was on my head. I was 13 years old.
• My mother teaching me to shave my legs with a beige, electric razor from the 70's that pulled out more hairs that it ever shaved.
• My sister ordering this green goo from Australia that was supposed to remove hair in some manner that was better and easier than shaving or waxing. I had no interest in said green goo, but was talked into being a guinea pig. Let's just say ... never again.
• Sitting on the bus, my freshman year of high school, listening to my two best friends tell me that they had talked to a guy friend of ours who said I would be really pretty if only I plucked my eyebrows. Before this I had been blissfully ignorant of any hair on my face having any impact on my respective attractiveness.
• A few weeks later in a hotel room before my grandmother's memorial service, I asked my mother to pluck my eyebrows for the first time.
• At a pool party in high school, having painful awareness of red bumps on my bikini line from where I had shaved "down there" for the first time. No sunbathing for me.

Armpit hair study #3 - colored pencil

Retrospectively, what makes me uncomfortable about the above experiences is that they reinforced for me the idea that I had to shave, pluck, etc. in order to look clean, good, right, or attractive. It's taken a long time, and being in a supportive relationship, for me to be able to start to deal with my internal conflict over my hair removal practices.

Armpit hair study #4 - thermal camera

I gave up on my bikini line years ago and buy swim wear accordingly. It's been over a year since I've plucked my eyebrows though I still have a habit of pulling them out when I'm stressed or nervous. I haven't shaved my pits since the fall and am getting used to seeing hair there when I wear tank tops. My legs are currently nice and fuzzy. I can see myself shaving them when the weather is warmer, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

A privileged life she leads

Mosaic/mural in the Mission/Castro district of SF

Struggle is not a word that I would use to describe my life. That's not to say that it has always been easy. I have experienced challenges, grief, fears, disappointments and regrets.  I have felt overwhelmed, depressed, scared and out of control. I have struggled with emotions, relationships, experiences and beliefs, but I don't feel like life has been a struggle. Which has made it difficult for me to tackle this new koan. In many ways, it has brought up for me, again, awareness that, in this world of 6.5 billion people, I am an extremely privileged individual.

Consider these things:

• I cannot remember going hungry a single day of my life
• I was assured a K-12 education and due to my grades & support from my family was able to go to a private, high ranking university for my Bachelors degree
• I have never been physically or sexually assaulted by anyone
• I grew up in a family and community that allowed my to explore my own ideas and beliefs and that did not force me to take on theirs

I'm not sure how many 28 year-old women on this planet can say the same.

I mention my age because I know that I say all of this from the relative perspective of youth. I have a lot of living to do and I expect there will be challenges and experiences that I struggle with in the future. As terrifying as it is, there is one bullet point above that I can never be sure will remain true. And as one gets older and more entrenched in this world, the opportunities for grief and injury grow more real.

I am also aware that I began looking at this koan from perhaps the opposite perspective that my mother did. While she thought of the struggle of the individual experience through the story of the moth, I thought of the massive struggle of human and women's rights. So, having stood upon my soapbox and reminded us all of what we may often forget, I have decided to look at this koan from a more personal lens in my next few posts and really explore struggle within my life experience.