Looking Back

 Who needs a wife? The short answer is, we all do. But this is a blog and we are about the written word, so I shall delve a little deeper. The word wife comes from the old English wif which really means woman. The topic has produced a couple of books in recent years, A History of the Wife by Marilyn Yalom and more recently The Meaning of Wife by Anne Kingston for those who want to really explore it historically and in the context of our society today. But here is my take on it. Growing up in the sixties gave me an opportunity to see some radical changes in the meaning of wife as the role of women in society underwent major changes. I grew up in a household dominated by women as I have no brothers. The expectations for me to eventually meet a man and marry and have children were no doubt present and expressed both verbally and non-verbally by my parents and immediate community. But I also felt that I could pursue my own interests and have a career due to the social climate of the day and the relative enlightenment of my parents. What did I want? I wanted to marry and have children and take care of a household. Not like the Donna Reed caricature or other media representations I grew up watching, but a true, keeper of the keys, household manager because I believe when you truly manage a household, it is a job and a full time job at that.

Lauryn and Krista...we can only guess at what they were discussing

How have women managed over the last fifty some years to be wives and mothers while working another full time job? I can't say how others have managed, but for me it meant sacrificing one for the other many times. I am not sure what my husband and children would say about what kind of wife and mother I have been, but for me it wasn't optimum. When I was working, I needed a wife and I was working all the time. Now for some this means hiring a nanny or a housekeeper to do those routine duties of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, minding the children. For most households though this is a luxury and not a reality. That was the case for me. Oh you say, what about the husband. Doesn't he have a responsibility to share in these household duties? My answer may be obvious, yes he does. I was very fortunate that my husband did help.

But here is my truth. Running a household is a full time job. Basically in a marriage where both individuals are working a full time job outside the home, dividing the duties means working a part time job after hours and again it comes down to what is an optimum situation. There are only so many hours in a day and something usually has to give and it is probably going to be the unpaid, unglamorous, routine chores of cleaning and childcare. Whether one wants to choose (as I would have liked to) to take on and do the job with creativity and purpose or to delegate those important tasks to someone capable (and pay them well) is a personal choice. I am not advocating only women can be wives, but rather that we embrace this ancient tradition since it is something we all long for, to be cared for and nurtured. To have our personal space in order and meals prepared with love is something basic for all of us; men, women and children. So who needs a wife? We all do. It is a noble endeavor.