Let's Dance

When you approached me with this concept of connection, as a gift we could share in the making, I felt honored. My daughter, who has always been in love with the written word and loves to write, the creative writing major, wants to share in a dialogue with me? I mean I've written some poetry and filled a couple of journals over the years, but this is special. So how do we set it up? Are we going to write about the week's events, keeping in touch, commenting on this and that or perhaps we might pose a question and convey our thoughts to each other?

Shelia Foster says, "A koan is a question or statement that cannot be answered by the mind and puts our awareness into the Mystery, and it opens us into a new paradigm in which the Mystery takes the helm of our attention."

So I suggested we use a koan for our inquiry. Something to take us into the Mystery of our journey together over this next year. In our back and forth communication about how to begin, I am learning how we each approach a project like this and how I feel woefully backward in my blogging know how. But there is the gift, Lauryn's gift. I don't have to worry about any of that. I enjoy piercing the veil of the Mystery from time to time and am willing to show up for the exchange.

It is a choice to wonder now that I have grown up
Matured
And begun the work of living
In the world.
Daily chores, habits of mind, responsibilities
All conspire
To pull me away from the practice of wonder.
So it is choice, that leads me to wonder.

Let me wander into the realm of wonder.
What does it mean to call
Your own year of death?
How does it open up ones capacity to live?
Is it really a choice or just a fancy
To wonder about?
Now is the time to dwell in playful musings and
Dance.

Planting The Idea

At some point, the holiday season changed for me from being mostly about receiving and became more about giving. When I was little it was all about quantity - the more gifts, the better. When I was in my teenage years, it was all about the quality - the more expensive/desired the gift, the better. Then, there was a point, during my young adulthood, when I no longer cared as much about receiving. I wanted to give.

As I approached this current season of giving, I found myself not wanting to continue buying, literally, into our culture's consumerist mentality of what a gift is. My growing minimalist sensibilities led me to a different offering to my family and friends - I would either make something for them, recycle something from my life/home for them, or donate to a non-profit in their name. Interestingly, everyone opted for something made.

April 2010 - Lands End, SF

Me and mom with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background

For me, the beauty of a made gift is that it's formed with thought and intention. It's crafted with one's own mind and hands. It takes time. It takes effort. I feel like the creation and construction process imbues the gift with more meaning for both the giver and the receiver. As I contemplated what I would make for each of the people on my list, I found that with each person my mind went in different directions. For Jacob, my brother, something that would make him laugh. For Krista, my sister, something homey and useful. For you, my mother, something to connect across the distance.

April 2010 - Ocean Beach, SF

Smiling as mom sees the Pacific Ocean up close for the first time

As we live over 2,000 miles apart, we cannot be with each other as often we might be inclined. Not being phone people, we talk usually every two or three months. We have been fortunate to have seen each other three times in 2010. Twice in 2009. Emails here and there, but nothing consistent. So I asked myself, what would it be like to create a space where we could carry on a conversation over time and distance? What would emerge? And what if we included in that space an intention to share that experience, that conversation, beyond ourselves?

April 2010 - Lands End, SF

Me, on the top of the hill, looking out at the ocean while mom walks the labyrinth at Lands End

Therein was the seed - the idea - that I offered as my gift. An idea that we will plant here in this virtual blog space. That we have agreed to nurture and develop over the course of this year,2011. That we will then take, shape and manifest into a physical book to share with each other and our loved ones. Who knows how it will grow. Where it will flourish. What unexpected twists and turns it will take. I am full of anticipation and excitement. As always, the journey is as important as the beginning and end.