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| Highly edited photo of a sticker at the bottom of a street lamp near our apartment in SF. |
Now even though I wanted to be a writer, I didn't really spend a lot of time writing. I wasn't bad at writing, but I didn't do it unless there was a reason - an assignment, report, paper, etc. On the other hand, I loved to read. Summers were spent waking up to pull the novel from my bedside and reading it until I could barely walk downstairs because I was fainting with hunger. Libraries weren't safe from my methodical hand (still aren't) as I would check out as many books as they would allow at a time.
Still, the idea of writing books was so strong in my imagination that I purposefully went to a university with a Creative Writing program. Ever the over-achiever, once I was at college, I found myself adding a second major - Music - and soon falling in love with Dance, which would become my minor on top of my two majors. As a side note, they don't let students at my university have two majors and a minor any more and I totally understand why. Yet somehow, amidst all of the rehearsals, classes, performances, my campus job, studying abroad, etc, I managed to get myself in the position of writing a thesis for my Creative Writing major during my senior year.
Now a thesis for a Creative Writing major sounds great, right? No research. No documenting sources. No experiments or data. Just doing what I had dreamed about doing - writing. My thesis was to be a novela that told the story of young girl from an Arthurian story I had read in one of my literature courses. She was a minor character in the story who did an amazing thing that was glossed over to get to the more important parts about, you know, the men. So, I was going to give her a voice and story. Sadly, she ended up stealing mine.
Early on in the process, I started to panic a little bit. Over three years, I had never created a habit of writing so actually making the time to do it was very difficult. And when I did make the time, I couldn't think of anything to write. After a few months of struggling, I had pretty much psyched myself out. My story revolved around my character doing nothing over and over again. I couldn't articulate my problems to my advisor, so I just kept trudging along, alone and afraid of when everyone would find out that my work wasn't really going anywhere.
Needless to say about three weeks before my thesis was due, the lack of anything substantial in my writing came to light. And the stress and negative feedback from my advisor over the following weeks was enough to make it completely impossible for me to write for the next two years. Slowly over time and with help of amazing mentors in the dance community, I was able to begin writing again. It's been seven years this May since I graduated from college and I still struggle with writing today.
But each little step - carrying a notebook around to jot ideas in, writing a grant for the organization I worked for, starting a blog with my mom - is helping me get over the trauma of that experience and to continue struggling towards my dream of my own dog-eared book.
Still, the idea of writing books was so strong in my imagination that I purposefully went to a university with a Creative Writing program. Ever the over-achiever, once I was at college, I found myself adding a second major - Music - and soon falling in love with Dance, which would become my minor on top of my two majors. As a side note, they don't let students at my university have two majors and a minor any more and I totally understand why. Yet somehow, amidst all of the rehearsals, classes, performances, my campus job, studying abroad, etc, I managed to get myself in the position of writing a thesis for my Creative Writing major during my senior year.
Now a thesis for a Creative Writing major sounds great, right? No research. No documenting sources. No experiments or data. Just doing what I had dreamed about doing - writing. My thesis was to be a novela that told the story of young girl from an Arthurian story I had read in one of my literature courses. She was a minor character in the story who did an amazing thing that was glossed over to get to the more important parts about, you know, the men. So, I was going to give her a voice and story. Sadly, she ended up stealing mine.
Early on in the process, I started to panic a little bit. Over three years, I had never created a habit of writing so actually making the time to do it was very difficult. And when I did make the time, I couldn't think of anything to write. After a few months of struggling, I had pretty much psyched myself out. My story revolved around my character doing nothing over and over again. I couldn't articulate my problems to my advisor, so I just kept trudging along, alone and afraid of when everyone would find out that my work wasn't really going anywhere.
Needless to say about three weeks before my thesis was due, the lack of anything substantial in my writing came to light. And the stress and negative feedback from my advisor over the following weeks was enough to make it completely impossible for me to write for the next two years. Slowly over time and with help of amazing mentors in the dance community, I was able to begin writing again. It's been seven years this May since I graduated from college and I still struggle with writing today.
But each little step - carrying a notebook around to jot ideas in, writing a grant for the organization I worked for, starting a blog with my mom - is helping me get over the trauma of that experience and to continue struggling towards my dream of my own dog-eared book.
oh, how I know we question the strengthen and the power of doubt, the bubble of conquest over which ferments within, that I know upon my nightstand, there is a book, by Lauryn Menard. And I think the title is "Songs from the Backseat."
ReplyDeleteDo it, do it! Build the habit of doing the thing you want to do, often!
ReplyDelete(it may take ten thousand hours, I've heard...)
It's nice to know that you both have my back. I think Alex hit on the most important obstacle in my path right now, which is making it a habit. It's almost like I have to trick myself into setting up habits. Anyone have any suggestions on how they have succeeded in setting up habits in their lives?
ReplyDeleteI tend to do things I love more when there is a specific purpose also. I find that I'm more likely to do it for someone else who is depending on me than for myself. Usually my purpose will be related to income or to making a difference for someone in some way. For myself I will typically do what has to be done when it becomes a dire need such as for survival.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if it seems simple and easy you might be more willing to start the habit of writing. I've read that it's good to write every day for fifteen minutes even if you have nothing really to say. Just ramble on about nothing. Just type nothing nothing nothing nothing until your mind has emptied that out and words start coming out. Within the rambling something powerful will emerge unexpectedly. I've tried it before and it really does work.
I've wish I could write powerfully. I wrote a book about how to practice music in a way that keeps passion alive. After reading it myself later, I couldn't imagine anyone being able to get through it even though several bought it online as an ebook. I was very dry. I meant for it to be inspiring. I can inspire in person but not in writing. I wish I could inspire in writing, too. I think my writing skills would be ok if my vocabulary were stronger. Not sure... I tend to only write and read non-fictional books.
what positive habits do you have now and how did those habits became into being? Bad habits are easy to pinpoint, well at least mine are easy to pinpoint. start with something that is fun doing, like 1+1 is 2, 2+2 is 4, and 4+4 is 8 ;-), that was always fun for me.
ReplyDelete