musings as the days shorten

The penultimate month of 2011 is almost at an end. This is the time of year where I wonder where the time went. Yes, it's also the time of year when I think about family, thankfulness and all of the other holiday season things. But right now, I seem to be thinking about what I set out to do this year. I started 2011 with an influx of energy and ideas. I had projects for my non-work time. Travel plans abounded. I felt good about where I was and what I was doing. As I assess, I think things came out at a 50/50 split.

my windowsill on a Sunday afternoone

I did well on follow through with the travel plans. I went to Vegas to celebrate/reconnect with three amazing friends from college who I rarely ever see anymore since I moved to SF. I went to NYC for the first time and had an amazing time with Martin, my aunt Michelle and uncle David. We spent 5 summer days in Michigan with Martin's family and got some quality time hanging out with his oldest niece. There was the stormy Valentine's night off the pacific coast at Costanoa. And my first camping trip ever. Most recently my Thanksgiving trip with my family to Oklahoma City. So, I did well in that respect.

sticker graffiti on 13th near Valencia

My projects haven't come off so well. This blog was one project, and while it has been successful in some ways, it's hasn't been what I imagined. I finished knitting a hat for my dad. But everything else - building a lamp for Arielle, making a cookbook for my sister, making in inappropriate cross stitch for my brother, writing letters to Resa every month - did not happen. Some got started, but none got finished. Perhaps my eyes were too large for my stomach in this instance. But since all of these projects that were supposed to take up my free time didn't happen, what did I do with that time?

old sign in chinatown, SF

Finally, how do I feel about where I am and what I'm doing? Unsure is the best answer I can give. I don't feel content in my work anymore. I feel restless. I'm dreaming more. I'm reading more. I'm imagining more. I don't have any answers, but rather multitudes of questions. Perhaps as I go through the rituals of closing the year over this next month, I'll begin to feel some resolution and some consensus about this year. Then again, perhaps the process that I'm going through will take a little longer to suss out. We'll have to see.

Nourishment

Finishing class by dancing to Beirut's Nants. Organic, vegan mexican food for lunch. Hanging out browsing the shelves in the local, sci-fi/fantasy bookstore. A walk to the library filled with flowers and I remembered to bring my camera. Finishing the day with a quiet evening at home with just me & the mister.

purple flowers in our courtyard

a tiny sprig of California poppies in between the railroad tracks

tiny pink flowers I had to catch to photograph because of the  wind

loving the digital macro setting on my point and shoot

life and death

these ones were extremely pungent

high in the trees

Walking the Path

It is good to be home again and walk the paths through dappled light.

Graceful organic change, well maybe, okay yes!

My gardening hat



Azaleas from my yard

 Two salamanders showed up in my life this weekend. Recently Saturday mornings are about getting up early and the half hour drive to the community garden site I helped to create. I meet new people or work beside groups of people who already know one another (it's fun to eavesdrop). I am on a quest for learning about all things outdoors, after having spent a great deal of my last years working indoors. I mean I did go outdoors, but it was either very early to get to work with a very short exposure time to the actual elements, or noon to possibly eat outdoors and maybe read or meditate (but still only twenty minutes and still only maybe) or after six oclock at night for a bit of time to rest on the front porch or back deck. If you think about it, not really being outdoors at all. Since I retired from teaching, I have come to realize there are mid-morning, early afternoon, and late night outdoor explorations to consider and for much longer periods of time. Amen to the time thing. Who knew?

I think I always knew, but chose to ignore. So after working hard tilling soil for a couple of hours yesterday morning, I wandered over to another project going on at the church where a labyrinth maker (don't know what else to call him) was finishing directing a group of volunteers, who were implimenting his labyrinth design, laying the last few bricks in the pattern. He began setting up for the labyrinth blessing ritual bringing out wonderously old icons, statues, and ceremonial STUFF! My eyes just took everything in ...the serious placement of this object here and that object there. My ears listened to the buzz of comments and questions about what all this represented. Outside under clear blue sky, I felt the gentle breeze and the warmth of the sun. Finally he spoke. He spoke about energy, direction, negativity, correction, connection. He spoke about linking heaven and earth, Himalayan singing bowls, Egyptian and Native American cultural symbolism. Then he told us what he would do to activate this site and bless the labyrinth. We watched. He took his time and it was very interesting to see each phase. After he completed the ceremony, the wind picked up and completely changed direction. We were invited to walk the labyrinth and he bowled us before entering, which means he struck the Himalayan singing bowl (which is thousands of years old) in front of us and then we stepped onto the path.


My singing bowl and salamander rock I found

Now considering I did very physical labor and had a lovely time participating in a really cool labyrinth blessing ceremony, you'd think I would be done for the day. Not a chance. I drove home, ate lunch and went back outside to do more yardwork at the homestead. It was here I encountered my first salamander. There was an old,vinyl covered, pressed wood tabletop decaying under our deck. As I am sprucing up the yard for a public labyrinth blessing party for my own newly constructed stone labyrinth in the backyard, the rotten tabletop had to go. After I took off the metal strips and had decaying pressed wood pieces laying around me in various size chunks, I picked one up and thought I saw an earthworm, not an uncommon occurance. It was a salamander. So after I showed my unusual find to Terry, I found another lovely moist spot and let him go. And I continued to spend time clearing and cleaning.


Standing in my completed 7 coil classic labyrinth



Today we had the official ribbon cutting ceremony for the new organic garden at my church that I and many other dedicated individuals have been working on for the past six weeks. It was pretty much your usual cheesy, let's take pictures to remember this occasion ceremony with a prayer or two. Nice. The real fun happened after for me. We put red wigglers in all the raised garden beds and when I put a bunch in one of the beds I spied an "earthworm" again or so I thought. It was a salamander. So I'm thinking maybe it's worth checking on salamander animal symbolism just to ponder. I can't wait to get home and check it out. I stay to water all the raised beds. 





First salamander I found or did it find me?

 Two salamanders in two consecutive days. Interesting to note...in Greek and Roman mythology salamanders live in the very heart of a fire. They are considered to be a very powerful alchemical symbol. Salamanders are associated with purity, faith, heraldry and the fire of pasion ignited in the heart of the courageous. Their symbolism speaks to igniting a creative spark. They are a solar power animal, yet are mostly active nocturnally. This duality speaks to creating balance in life. Using the best of both the day and night times or wisely balancing opportunities are ways to create it. Renewal and development. Okay, I figured it out; I am resisting change. I know I want something to happen, but it to engineer that change seems scary to me. I need it to be organic. To flow. Can I really embrace change? I want to. I believe salamander is asking me to evolve in my own life. Physically active, outdoor activity is calling to me. I choose to move in that direction. I will embrace change.